Monday, August 1, 2016

Everything Will Be Just Fine

The title of this post was taken from the song The Middle by Jimmy Eat World.     

Yesterday Jaxon and I had the following conversation multiple times.

"Mom, I need fruit. I need a banana."

"Sweetie, we are out of fruit until I go to the store later on."

"WHAT?! No fruit?"

"No, I have to go to the store."


I wasn't able to make it to the store yesterday and so I went around 3 this morning. Jaxon got up around 6:30 and as I was getting him dressed this happened.

"Hey, guess what I bought at the store this morning."


"Bananas and strawberries."

"What?! Those are my favorite! Thanks mom you are the best!"

After he ate breakfast he climbed up on the piano and grabbed a picture of all five kids taken last fall.

"Mom, these are my brothers and my sister. I just love them. They are my friends."

"Jaxon that is so sweet."

"Can you tell me who is in the picture?"

"Here is Sebastian, and Tyler, and Mason, and Jaxon, and Blake. They love me too."

"Mom, I just love them so much. They are my best friends."

     There are moments, especially when things are really crazy around here, that I question our decision to have two more children. Don't get me wrong I love them terribly, but if I'm being honest, I often question my capability to handle five kids. Then, there are moments like these...Jaxon just climbed in my lap and was looking at this picture as I'm typing this post. He said. 

"Oh mom! That's me with my picture. It's so cute. I just love this house and my family."

Now, I just need to read this post every time he does something that drives me a little smear peanut butter on the walls. I really do love this life that I'm building for myself.

Friday, July 29, 2016

I Hope My Children Come And Visit Once Or Twice A Month

    The title of this post was taken from the song 7 Years by Lukas Graham.

      I have a fear that my kids will grow up, move away, and I won't see them more than once or twice a year. I have two brothers and a sister and none of us have ever lived more than an hour away, from our hometown, for longer than six months. Don't get me wrong I want my kids to experience new things and go where they can get jobs they love, because there aren't a lot of opportunities around here. I just don't know how I would handle it. 
     Sebastian, Tyler and Mason saved me from myself after Mike passed away. For almost the first year after he died I hated going anywhere in my car without at least one of them with me. There were so many times that I thought how easy it would be to run my car off the road and into a tree. I often felt so overwhelmed with grief and sometimes I just wanted it to end. I knew I would never ever hurt one of my kids and so I tried really hard never to go anywhere without them. They were my reasons to keep going, to put one foot in front of the other. I just can't imagine them ever being very from from me.   
     One of my favorite songs right now is 7 Years by Lukas Graham and I love to sing a long. Every single time I hear/sing this song I tear up at the line "I hope my children come and visit once or twice a month." There have been many times that I've had to stop singing because it made me so emotional. My kids are my life. So much of what I do is for them and I can't imagine them not being around. 
     Right now Tyler is away at camp, Sebastian is hanging out in his room, Mason is playing his DS, and Jaxon and Blake are taking a nap. My house is really quiet at the moment. I keep picking up my textbook to try and read but I can't concentrate without the noise. I finally turned on some cartoons and played some music on my phone. I was finally able to study a little. What in the world will I do when all five kids are out of the house and living on their own...I guess by then I'll have grandchildren so maybe it won't be that bad.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Seasons Are Changing And Waves Are Crashing

The title of this post was taken from the song Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. 

      Vacation. It was hot, we stayed tired, we fought, but we had so much fun. This year we decided to go to Atlanta, GA. We wanted to take the kids to Six Flags, Six Flags White Water and the Atlanta Zoo. Mom, Dad and my nephew Owen went with us. Here are some pictures. At the end of this year I want to have my blog printed, just for myself, and I need to do a better job of writing more often. Funny little things pop up in our day to day and I hate that I haven't recorded any of it. For example, the other day I told Jaxon to hurry up and eat his sandwich and he answered "Be patient mom, just be patient." We laughed so hard. 
     Sebastian and Tyler spent a week at EFY and Mason went to 4-H camp. Tyler is at girls camp this week. I go back to work next week. I'm a bit anxious about this school year, but only because I have so many things I want to do. I worry that I won't get it all done. I'm also studying for my BCBA exam that I'll be taking in November. I was going to take it in August, but I just don't feel ready so I'm studying several hours a day to make sure I'm prepared for November. There's a lot going on and daddy always taught me that a job worth doing was worth doing right. Here's to hoping it all works out.

Jaxon doing the sign for I Love You.

Mason and Owen at Olympic Park.

Dad sitting on a spinning chair at the park.

Six Flags

Jaxon riding a ride. He loved it.

Owen, Mason and Sylvester

Tyler feeding the birds.

Jaxon was exhausted!

Tyler, Blake, and Papaw!

Checking out the animals.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

As I Fight For One Last Prayer

     The title of this post was taken from the song Defeated by Breaking Benjamin.

     I feel almost guilty even writing this post when one of Sebastian's very best friends was diagnosed with a brain tumor in December, had surgery and is still recovering from the effects. The local news station did a feature on Ethan and his family. If you could please keep them in your thoughts and prayers I know they would greatly appreciate it. They are a wonderful family and Sebastian and Ethan have been friends since elementary school.

     Sebastian is a typical 16 year old teenage boy. He thinks he knows everything, and yet he has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone. He helps his papaw with anything and everything that needs to be done. He routinely helps him mow his lawn, mow uncle Dale's lawn, and last week helped rip out brick at Dad's to help with the remodeling of his basement.  Tomorrow Sebastian is going to help cut his Aunt Mandaly's lawn. He rarely complains, but of course this is partially because his papaw is asking him to do this stuff and who argues with their papaw ;). If I had asked him it might be a different story. 
      Sebastian has taken mostly honors classes the last two school years and has managed to keep his GPA up. I stress the importance of education almost on a daily basis. Anyway, the second semester this past school year he took honors algebra II and during the second six weeks of it he had a D for the class. I. was. furious. I checked his grades almost daily and harped at him when he simply didn't turn homework assignments in. It was around this time that he started sleeping a lot in the afternoons. He would come home from school and fall asleep, get up to eat dinner and then head back down to his room. I finally took him to the doctor and come to find out he is pre-diabetic. WHAT?! How is my physically fit athletic son pre-diabetic? It runs in our family so I really shouldn't have been that surprised. Anyway, the doctor said it might explain why he was tired. So, we are working on diet changes and he managed to pull out a B for the semester in algebra II. 
     Sebastian also applied for Governor's School for his junior year. Governor's school allows juniors and seniors to attend classes at the local community college in the morning to focus on math, science, and technology courses, and then return to their home school for afternoon classes. Sebastian met all of the requirements, but he was put on the wait list due to the limited amount of spots available. I was actually okay with this. I knew how much he had wanted it and I knew he had worked hard, but I also saw this as a learning opportunity to show him that he can't just always skate through his classes. Tuesday we found out that our school board approved the extra funding for students that met the Governor's School requirements. Sebastian has been accepted and will be able to participate in the fall. There were a lot of mixed emotions for me. This is a wonderful opportunity for him and yet I worry he will think he can continue to do the minimum and get by. I want him to work to his full potential. I sound negative. He did work hard. He doubled up on classes when it would have been easier to take more electives. He is a smart kid and he's way more driven than I ever was at his age. I just hope he takes this seriously and goes as far as he can with it. Now he wants a car. He better get a job :).
     Tyler is changing school districts this year. She will at the same high school as Sebastian. I forced her to make this switch because I was not happy with the quality of education she was getting in our home district. She cried and cried when I put my foot down, but we did her scheduling on Tuesday and I think she is finally coming around. This will be good for her. She wasn't challenged last year at all, in fact at one point she had a 140 average in her physical science class. I shouldn't have to fight to have them challenge my child. Anyway, I'll be much happier having all of my kids in the same district.  
    I sometimes worry that I push them to much. Sebastian recently said he was going to take a year off after high school to work and earn money. My head almost exploded. There is no freaking way that is happening. I know how hard it was to go back. I know how hard it was to work, have a family and try to go to college. I often tell them the only way I made it through was from the support of Mike and my parents. There were many nights that Mike would be at work and I'd have class from 6-9. I would drop off Sebastian and Tyler at mom and dad's house and they would be sound asleep when I picked them up. I remember holding Mason, as a newborn, in the middle of the night with one arm and turning pages of a textbook with the other hand. I think sometimes they take the opportunity for college for granted. 

Saturday, June 18, 2016

But Look, I've Been Here, I've Done It

     The title of this post was taken from the song Just Like Fire by Pink.

      Can I be honest for a minute? Don't get me wrong I love summer and I love all the extra things I get to do with my kids but I suck as a stay at home mom. Being a stay at home parent is freaking hard work. I find that my time with my kids during the school year is a higher quality than it is when I'm home all the time. I cherish it more during the school year and it seems easier. During the summer I feel like I constantly have to be doing something with them and it's stressful. The age gap between the kids also makes it a little harder. For example, I want to make a ball rack out of pvc pipe to hold all of our basketballs, soccer and volleyballs. I also want to make a sprinkler for the kids. Anyway, I showed the plans to John last night and we made a trip to Lowes to get what we needed. Blake screamed the entire way there and the entire way back. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I don't know what was wrong with him but after chasing, playing, changing diapers, feeding, listening to him and Jaxon fight, picking up their toys, and a million other things, I was not in the mood for non-stop screaming. My patience reached it's max about 2 miles into the trip. I even yelled at him once. Anyway, I feel like I fail at parenting during the summer. I'm now wondering how I'm ever going to survive taking the kids to Atlanta for vacation. I'm sure John comes home from work each day and wonders just what the heck I did all day. Usually things are just as messy and cluttered when he gets home as they were when he left. I swear I pick up toys, blankets, sippy cups, video games, remotes, and shoes ALL FREAKING DAY LONG. My hat goes off to all parents, working and stay at home. Parenting is hard work. 
     Now that I've complained it really hasn't been horrible all the time. Here is proof that I love all my kids and we do have fun :)

Mason earned his orange belt in karate.

Blake enjoying ice cream after working in the yard.

Jaxon helped pull weeds at Aunt Mandaly's house.

We went to Megan's dance recital.

Tyler playing with Blake.

My friend Karma and I have been walking in the mornings before she goes to work. 
These little fellas enjoy it very much.

And we've been swimming a few times.