Sunday, May 20, 2012

Oh, You Make Me Smile

The title of this post was taken from the song Smile by Uncle Kracker.

I've had some interesting comments made to me over the last year, and I thought I would share. These are things that new widows or widowers do not like to hear.

1) You're young, you'll find someone else. 
2) You're going to have a hard time finding someone willing to take on three kids.
3) How long are you going to play the widow card?
             Wait a minute...what? Surly this lady did not just ask me that "How long are you going to play the widow card?" ...what? I don't...what? Are you...what? Widow card? You mean like in the game of Spades where a spade can trump a card from any other suit? You mean like I'm using the fact that I'm a widow to...what? I can't really think of any benefits to losing my husband. Thanks so much.
4) Are you feeling any better about things?
5) Did he have life insurance? How much?
6) You're actually staying at your house?
      Yes, I am. What else am I supposed to do? It's my home, it's what the kids know. It's where they feel close to their dad. Since when do I have to justify where I'm staying.
7) My husband is getting on my nerves.

       I don't think that people realize that I didn't get my copy of the book How to handle losing a spouse AND make others happy. Instead I just got to pick out a casket, but thanks.

    I wrote that about seven months ago, but just wasn't sure what to do with it. I look back at how cynical I was at some points this last year, and I think how sad. I can only chalk it up to survival mode. When I read that partial post and then I read what I really wanted to post today I had to smile a little. I've come a long way. 
      I'm actually doing fairly well right now. School is almost over, 5 and a half days for students :), and I'm looking forward to summer. I have floundered over the last year. I've felt like my life was in a constant limbo, but a very dear coworker made a comment the other day that really put things into perspective for me. It was something close to this "Melanie, you're at the top of the mountain, and you can go either way." Meaning I can continue to push forward and allow myself a life with laugher, love, and new experiences, or I can turn around and focus on the destruction of the past year. This last year has been about simply making it through, and there is so much I don't remember. I guess my whole point is that I'm choosing to take all my wonderful memories and continue LIVING my life. I don't want another year in which the only way I remember what I did was by reading this blog. I want to live. 
     I like to smile and I like to have fun. My kids need to see me this way. Yesterday John and I went out while mom watched the kids for us. I think this picture says enough.

I know it's difficult for some people to know that I have someone special in my life. I was part of "Mike and Mel" for 15 years, and I know this is hard. I'm not trying to replace Mike or our memories. I'm trying to smile and find some hope for my future. Mike always said I had the most beautiful smile in the whole world. I know with all of my heart that he would want me to be happy, but most of all he would want me to smile.


Beverly said...

Here I sit ....smiling with tears rolling down my face. I love seeing the happiness in your eyes in that picture !!!! You're co-worker was right on the money & I'm glad you're choosing to go forward ! I've always heard , for as far back as I can remember that the highest compliment a person can pay their deceased spouse is to remarry it shows that they truly loved being a part of a "team or couple" or whatever you choose to call it. And I think that is so true ! I see " gentleness & merriment " in your John's eyes in pictures , I've seen. I think he will bring you much love , laughter & happiness. :)

Teri said...

I wrote many of those same things during the first year of being a widow, I wanted to post it on my blog or facebook but was afraid of hurting others feeling, even though they were hurting mine. So glad to see you have someone to be with and are happy.

Unknown said...

This brought tears to my eyes. I'm not really sure why. I don't know you, other than what you've shared on this blog. But I'm so glad to see you smile. Take care.

Mandaly B. said...

I love your smile, Mike was right, it truly is the most beautiful thing in the world. I'm really proud of you and where you are right now. You do deserve happiness in your life, and I cried happy tears for you reading this. You are so special and I love you more than you could ever know. : ) REAL!

Melanie said...

Everyone's kind words always mean so much, and the support I get always makes me feel good. Thank you all for the love and support!