Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Maybe You're Not Seeing The Side Of Me You Should

The title of this post was taken from the song Maybe by Sick Puppies.

Today was our first day of school. So many things have changed over the last year, and because Mike can't be here I decided that each of the kids would wear something that would help keep their dad close on their first day of school.
Mason wore a Star Wars shirt.
Tyler wore a heart necklace, because she was such a daddy's girl, and she held his heart in her hands.

Sebastian wore an orange shirt, because orange was Mike's favorite color, and he wore a necklace that looks like a key. He held the key to his dads heart.

 Overall they had a really good day, and I'm grateful.
     Mason and I did have an interesting experience early this morning. I've really debated about whether to share it or not. I think I will, but it's rather personal so...if you comment please be kind, and don't think we're crazy.
     I slept on the couch again last night, and around 1:00 Mason woke me up and said he wanted to be with me. I put him on the other couch and tucked him in. I woke up a little before four, and was debating whether to get up or read a book, when Mason woke up. Here is the conversation that followed.
Mason: Mom, what's that?
Me: What?
Mason: That right there. (He was pointing to the coffee table)
Me: What? On the table?
Mason: No, right there above the table. (He stands up and focuses his eyes on something.)
Me: (I quickly sit up, but I don't see anything.) Mason, what do you see?
Mason: See it mom? (He reaches out his hand, and pulls it away.) It tickles. (He giggles)
Me: (I'm starting to freak out a little. I don't see anything.) What do you see? Is it a light?
Mason: No, It's invisible. (He's just standing there looking above the table.)
Me: Invisible? You mean you can see through it?
Mason: Yea. (He comes over and sits on the edge of the couch with me.)
Me: Do you still see it?
Mason: It moved. There's one right there Mom. (He points to the corner of the rug.)
Me: Where hun?
Mason: (He gets up and walks to the other side of the table.) It's right here now. (He reaches out his hand again.)
Me: Sweetie, I don't see anything.
Mason: It won't let me touch it. (He turns slightly and his eyes move to the ceiling) Oh, it's leaving.
Me: Where did it go?
Mason: It just left. (He comes over and sits on the couch with me again.)
Me: What did it look like?
Mason: It was invisible.
Me: Were you scared?
Mason: No
Me: Is this the first time you've seen something like this?
Mason: Yea
Me: And you weren't scared? 
Mason: No, it reminded me of when Daddy was here.
Me: Was it like a light?
Mason: No, it was just invisible.
Me: Did it look like a person?
Mason: No. (He draws a vague shape with his finger in the air.)
Me: Was it big?
Mason: Yea, it reached the ceiling.
Me: But it didn't look like a person?
Mason: No
Me: And you weren't scared?
Mason: NO! It just reminded me of Daddy.
Me: And this was the only time you have seen this invisible thing?
Mason: Yea (He picks up the remote and turns on Phineas and Ferb.)
Me: What do you think you saw?
Mason: MOM! Just stop asking me about it.
Me: I just want to understand what you saw?
Mason: It just reminded me of Dad! Can I just watch TV now?

A few minutes later

Mason: Mom, if I died in my sleep there would be only three people in our house.
Me: You are right, but I don't want anything to happen to you.
Mason: If I died how would I eat?
Me: I don't think you will need food in Heaven.
Mason: But, I'll be with Dad right?
Me: Yes, you would be with dad, but it would make mommy very sad.
Mason: I don't want to make you sad, because then you would cry.
Me: I would.
Mason: Why are you crying now?
Me: It makes me sad to even think about you not being here, and I miss your dad.
Mason: Me too.
     His explanation of what he saw never changed. I questioned him again before school, and then after and he gave me the same answers. Was he seeing Mike's spirit? While it seemed comforting to him, it really freaked me out. 


Anonymous said...

I believe he saw Mike's spirit, or maybe a "memory" of his dad that was attached to that room. I don't think you or anybody in your family is even the slightest bit crazy. My sister and I have 'felt' my Mom since she passed last year, and I've seen other spirits. I also believe that children are much more open to these types of experiences, and there are many books on the subject if you're interested in reading about it.
I also want to say something in regards to your post about the dentist visit: I think you need to cut yourself some slack. There is no definition by which you should try to define, or limit, your grief, how long it lasts, what brings it on, etc. A year, 5 years, 20 years from now, you may come across something (a signed document, a drawing) that reminds you of Mike, and you may feel exactly like you did today. I think that you shouldn't hide your grief from your kids; you showing them that it's okay to cry and be upset over this tremendous loss is probably one of the best things you could do for them. You're not drowning in your grief, from what I read in your posts. It all sounds completely, totally, heart-breakingly normal to me. I hope that as time goes by, you will find more comfort than pain when you come across these reminders of Mike, but it will take time. And you should give yourself all the time you need. <3

beth said...

I think it was Mike. Mason was not scared and today was a big day for them all it is not unusual that Mike would stop by for a visit. As long as everything feels safe to Mason and you, then I say tell Mike hello and that you miss him. Mason is so young his eyes are opened to things ours are not. love ya beth

Kate said...

Melanie, I know it was Mike that he saw..he was there saying everything will be okay..he was there for their first day of school..I KNOW HE IS WATCHING OVER ALL OF US...I MISS HIM SO!

Darrell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Darrell said...

Oops, signed in with an old ID before and messed up my comment. Let me try again:

I won't offer a guess as to what was going on, I have no idea. I'd have been bothered by it, too, though. I think the kids look great in their first day back. Mike talked about them constantly. He'd be proud.

Unknown said...

This brought me to tears. I wouldn't be too freaked out. If it didn't scare him, if it reminded him of his Dad, whatever it was is not harmful. Kids are very in tune with those types of things. Especially at that age. If it was scary he would have told you. It sounds like a wonderful and comforting experience for him. Take care, as always.

Angela said...

A few months after Dad died, I was giving Alex (then age 6) a piggy back ride. I was running, we were laughing, living in the moment. When all of the sudden, as we passed by the very dark dining room, he yells out, "There's Papa!" I stopped dead in my tracks and almost dropped him. Mike heard him from our bedroom and came out, both of us with looks of "Ok, we're freaked out by this!" on our faces. Like you with Mason, I kept quizzing Alex. "Where did you see him?" etc. etc. He just pointed to the d.r. table, around the captain's chair where dad usually sat (we bought the house from mom and dad and inherited the d.r. set in the deal). That was a favorite place of Dad's to be in the house. I swear he also showed up in a photo with my mom, siblings, and I on Mother's Dad- a few months after he died. I shared this photo with others, some of whom kind of acted like I was a little nuts or just "wishful thinking," which made me realize I needed to be careful with whom I shared these Magical moments. Be open to them, and they will bring you comfort and peace during your time of grief.

Melanie said...

Thanks everyone I appreciate the support. Mason still talks about it.

Angela - Thanks for sharing your story. It means a lot to me, and I don't feel so alone in this.

Jill said...

Mel, I have had spiritual experiences in which I felt the closeness of someone who has passed. If you ever want to hear them, I will be glad to share. It very well could have been Mike, I can't say. Mason is so young and innocent and not as clouded with grief, he very well could have been open to seeing with his spiritual eyes. I don't know. But, it did bring him comfort and comfort comes from God.