Sunday, September 25, 2011

In The Arms Of An Angel, Fly Away From Here

The title of this post was taken from the song Angel by Sarah McLachlan.
     Hug. A simple three letter word, a CVC word at that. It's a basic word that everyone understands. It can stand alone and still have such a powerful message. Hug? Hug! You can use it in a sentence and make it a statement or a question. Can I have a hug? Give me a hug. We hug our children, wrapping our arms tightly around their small little bodies, and they hug us back. Their little arms stretching around us. We hug people in times of celebration and times of trial. We hug to show support, or when there just aren't any words. Sometimes words aren't even needed. We can simply open our arms, and that's a universal sign for hug me. We even hug through text (((((Mel))))). 
     I like to hug those close to me. I hug my kids all the time. I hug my mom, dad, sister and brothers every time I see them. What I miss more than anything in the whole world is having Mike here to engulf me in his arms. I know it's never going to happen again, and it leaves me feeling so very alone. I've had a lot of people tell me that I should start dating. Nope, I can't even imagine that at this moment. I mean can you imagine me trying to date right now. I can picture it. "Ummm...can we stop by the cemetery after dinner so I can visit my husbands grave?" or "Hey, I'm ready for our date, but can we make a quick stop by the funeral home so that I can submit my final decisions for my husbands headstone." I'm such a mess. I guess my whole point in all of this is that I miss being hugged. This statement does not give everyone I know permission to hug me, that would be a little weird. 
     My last rant for this post and then I'm done. Facebook, is annoying me. If I change my relationship status to widowed then it will erase my relationship with Mike, but we would still be friends. If I memorialize his page then it clears all of his status updates, personal information and anything else. It would allow people to still post on his wall, but there would be no access, via password, to his account. I have already backed up all of his FB stuff so I have all the posts and pictures he ever made, but I'm still not sure that is the route I want to go. There is no rush to change my FB relationship status either, it's just one more thing that sooner or later I'm going to have to deal with, and I've always been one to jump into a problem feet first. This usually means I sink right to the bottom and need help getting myself out of a mess, but nonetheless. Stupid FB.


Unknown said...

Do anything and everything in your own time. People tell you to date because they think it will help you move one. Or because they think your time limit is up for mourning. Or something. I understand missing the hugs. It's one of those things where you can get a million hugs, but not the one hug you really want. Like taking a deep breath but feeling like you can't get quite deep enough and you're left feeling unsatisfied. I hope that void is filled for you someday. For now, take your own pace, in your own time. People mean well but wanting you to feel better, they don't want to see you hurting or sad, but no one knows what you feel better than you. And no one can tell you what to do or how to feel but you. Take your time. There's no hurry for anything. Take care. *hugs* across the internet.

Unknown said...

And apparently I need to proofread my comments before I submit them. :)