Friday, September 23, 2011

You Saw The Beauty In Everything, Everything And Me

The title of this post was taken from the song Sweet Misery by Michelle Branch. 
Conversation between Mason and I this morning. I had just got done blow drying my hair.

Mason, do you like my hair (it was totally messy)
Yea, but...
But what? 
Well, it's in your eyes.
So, it looks okay?
Well, it's hiding your pretty brown eyes.
Why do you say that?
That's what daddy used to tell you.

     I left for work in tears, but pulled it together and had a good morning. My head felt like it was in a fog, but it was going okay, until Tyler's music teacher brought her to my classroom. During chorus they were singing a song about peace, and Tyler just started crying. She sat on my lap in my room and just cried her heart out. She said that song reminded her of her dad. This of course made me cry, because I hate seeing her in so much pain. She finally got herself together and I walked her back to class. I of course was not okay. I continued to cry. Bless my coworkers. They hugged me, came to check on me, and sat and talked with me. It's nice to know that I have people there I can count on, not only for me, but for my kids. 
     I'm anticipating a peaceful evening at home. I'm fixing dinner, and the house if fairly clean. Maybe once the kids go to bed I can have some time for me. That's something I miss a lot, me time. I don't get it often, and when I do need a sitter it's for things like meetings, or doctor appointments or something like that. I don't get much time for myself. I feel guilty if I'm away from my kids for to long. I am going to a conference for work, and will leave Monday morning and come back Tuesday afternoon. While I will be with friends, I know I'll miss my kids, it's a catch 22. 


Jill said...

I love you Melanie. I know you may not feel like it right now, but you are truly an amazing person.

Unknown said...

I know how hard it is to see your children in pain, especially when it reflects your own. What a strong mother you are to be there for her during that time and give her a safe place to let those feelings out. Hope you find some time for you. Take care!

Katrina xx