Sunday, October 2, 2011

I Wanted More Than This. I Needed More Than This. I Deserve More Than This.

    The title of this post was taken from the song Santa Monica by Theory Of A Dead Man.

      So, I took Sebastian and Tyler to The National in Richmond to see Jonathan Coulton and They Might Be Giants. We drove down right after school and then we drove home that night. It was a lot of fun and the kids really enjoyed it. We even ended up sitting in the VIP Section. I had forgotten to bring ear plugs for the kids, and a worker at The National took pity on us and let us sit up in that section of the balcony. Mike would have been prepared, me not so much. I cried as I looked at the seats Mike and I had sat in when we saw these same musicians play over a year ago. My life has changed so much since then. We got home around 2:00 am, and we all managed to get up and go to school the next morning. We are making memories.
    I started getting the local newspaper delivered to my house again. My subscription had run out a few years ago, and I just never renewed it, until a few days ago. I picked up the paper yesterday, and as I got to the horoscopes I almost dropped the paper. Mike and I always read them. I would read his to him first and then read mine. So, as I looked at them yesterday I froze not knowing what to do. He isn't here to read his to. I kept with tradition and read it to myself anyway. He was Aquarius and here is what it said
 "Any kind of self-scrutiny or self-examination will benefit you today. 
You have the honesty and courage to take a look at yourself 
so you can improve in some way."
I thought to myself what a load of crap! Not that we ever put much stock into what the horoscopes said, but they were always interesting. Now I'm a little more cynical about it. Already annoyed I moved on to read mine, I'm Cancer and it said
"Discussion with partners and close friends will be passionate and 
powerful today. This might even involve others or encourage the 
actions of a group. Enthusiasm is always contagious."
Once again what?! I did have some good discussions with a friend, but I don't think any of it was encouraging, and I DON'T HAVE A PARTNER ANYMORE! I think reading my horoscope has officially lost it's appeal to me. How many more things in my life will I find that I don't like or I can't handle because my perspective on life has changed so dramatically?
     I did have a proud moment yesterday as I was getting the kids to bed. In one day I managed to handle two soccer games, three horseback riding lessons, buying and organizing things for their horse show, a wonderful dinner with my in-laws, a trip to the store, all the while handling a meltdown from Mason during dinner and a conversation with a friend. While I had Mandaly to help get the boys to their riding lesson...I did it, I did it. It may seem like a small thing, but for me it was acknowledgment that I can do this. I will hold on to that optimism for as long as I can. The kids have their horse show next Saturday, and I'm so excited for them. I'll have lots of pictures to post, and maybe some video. 
    One last thing. I went to the doctor last week because I'm still not sleeping very much. He asked me about my support system. I told him I had family here, and that they were a big help. He said he was ordering me to spend more time with them. I wanted to ask him to write me a prescription for that. I would use that thing like a police officer uses his badge. "Ummm...I'm sorry hospital my sister can't go to work today because I have a written prescription that says I need more time with her." or "Sorry, I can't stay for this meeting because my prescribed family time starts now, and the doctor wouldn't want me to be late." Wouldn't that be wonderful. 

1 comment:

Beverly said...

eHi Melanie, for some reason I missed this blog post & am just now seeing it. S & I have always read our horoscopes to each other since we were 1st married . Not because we believed in them either but just thought they were interesting, etc. We don't do it so much , anymore. I'm glad you went to the Dr about not sleeping. I worry alot about your lack of sleep. I haven't slept well for several years but its not too for me since I don't have a job to get to every morning or a houseful of kids to watch 24-7. I've worried that the lack of sleep would catch up with you , in a bad way & pray often for you to be able to rest. Sleep is a very important element to being healthy & happy. Love ya ! Can't wait for pics of the horse show !!!!