Saturday, December 24, 2011

I Knew I'd Caught A Glimpse Of Heaven's Love

The title of this post was taken from the song Christmas Shoes by Bob Carlisle

Christmas Memories
When snowflakes dance on winter winds 
And colored lights shine Christmas cheer,

When children's laughter fills the air 
And family gathers from far and near, 
I try to celebrate with them 
And not let my hurting show, 
But the empty spaces within my heart, 
At this season, seems to grow 
'Till oftentimes it fills the days 
And many nighttimes too, 
With aching thoughts and memories 
Of Christmases I spent with you. 
Yes, memories do hurt, it's true 
But I have this feeling too.

I'm so glad I hold these memories, 
For with them I hold part of you. 
So for now I'll wipe away the tears 
And join with loved ones dear 
To celebrate this Christmas time, 
For I know that, in my heart, you're here.

By Sandy Siewer

     The kids are in bed, although not sleeping yet. I wait for light snoring before I know I can play Santa. As Christmas has drawn closer and closer it's gotten harder and harder. The overwhelming feelings of loss, have come in waves. As I wrapped gifts yesterday I couldn't control the tears. They just came out of nowhere. Sebastian knelt down beside me, wrapped his arms around me and said, "Mom, I miss him too." He is growing into a fine young man. We kept some traditions, and made some new ones. I'm grateful that Christmas is on Sunday this year. The kids and I are going to church, and then they will come home to open gifts. I'm hoping this will help me not feel so alone. 
     Mike and I always wrapped the kids presents on Christmas Eve, every single one of them. I couldn't do that this year, it was way to much. So, I wrapped them all the day before Christmas Eve. Mike had a tendency to buy way more for the kids than I would have. He loved watching them open their gifts on Christmas morning. I probably bought them more than they needed this year, but I want them to have fond memories to share. 
     So, Merry Christmas to everyone. I hope that memories are made, and that happiness and joy find you all. I simply want to make it through without losing it completely. 


Shaila said...

Sebastian is wonderful. So sweet. I hope that you had a little help wrapping all those presents in one day. Merry Christmas!

Beverly said...

Thinking of you with much love , Melanie ! And Sebastian definitely is a fine young man! Always when I see him , I'm impressed :)
Hope you got a bit of sleep , after your movie. We love you !

Unknown said...

I hope you were able to enjoy your Christmas with your kids. Sebastion seems like a sweet and protective kid. Thinking of you! *Hugs*