Friday, February 10, 2012

I Will Not Fall. I Will Not Fade. I Will Take Your Breath Away.

The title of this post was taken from the song I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin.

     A manila envelope came in the mail a few days ago. Two pieces of paper were inside. I pulled out the letter first and began to read...
"Enclosed is your five year renewable license issued by the Virginia Board of Education."
The next piece of paper was my teaching license. I had to renew it this year. As I stared at that cream colored paper with the gold seal, I began to think about where I was in life five years ago when the original license was issued. That license was issued June 2007. I had just finished my student teaching. I graduated with my Masters degree in Elementary Education, and I had started the Masters program for Special Education. Mason turned one year old that month. In the fall Tyler started kindergarten and Sebastian started second grade. I was offered my first teaching job that fall. Mike and I juggled the life that was three kids and two working parents. 
     Fast forward five years. I'm sitting in my classroom, which is just down the hall from where I student taught, holding my new teaching license. This is my second year at this school, and my fifth year teaching. Things have changed. Now, I'm a widow. Mason is in kindergarten, Tyler is in 4th grade, and Sebastian has moved on to the 6th grade. I am the one juggling the life that is three kids and one working parent. I'm not nearly as together now as I was five years ago, funny though how hard I thought things were back then. 
     Fast forward five more years. My current license will expire in June of 2017. Mason will be ready to go into 6th grade that fall, Tyler will start her sophomore year in high school, and my dear sweet Sebastian will begin his senior year. What will our lives look like in that dynamic? I can't even begin to imagine, and honestly I don't want to think about it to much. I want to live in the moment and enjoy right now. I want to live with no regrets. However, when I let myself think that far ahead, I try to picture who I will have become. Will I have reached some of the goals I've now set for myself? Will I have grown and expanded on my knowledge or will I let the devastating events from this last year hold me back? Will my kids be proud of who they are, will I have raised them in a way that they know who they are and what they stand for? Will Mike be able to look down on us and be proud of who we have become? Will I have used these life altering events to squander personal growth, or will I learn from the lessons they have provided? I guess we will know in five years. 

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