Thursday, March 22, 2012

I Know Where You Need To Be, Even Though It's Not Here With Me

    The title of this post was taken from the song I Miss You by Miley Cyrus.

      The school talent show is on the 30th of this month. They had their first tryouts on Tuesday. I forgot to bring Tyler's gymnastics suit to school. I had flashbacks from last year as explained in this post. Tyler was a little upset, but I assured her that I would have it all together by today's tryout. It's been an year and a half since she has been in gymnastics and even though she is still amazing, she is a little rusty. She's been stretching, working on her routine, and adding some dance moves. We decided that we would tie dye a shirt and personalize it, then just wear a cool pair of shorts rather than wearing a leotard. She finally picked out a song to do her routine to. It's titled I Miss You by Miley Cyrus, here is the last verse.

"I know you're in a better place, yeah
                                                       But I wish that I could see your face, 
oh I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me."

Yes, my darling angel is dedicating this performance to her dad. She even picked out letters to iron on the back of her shirt to say "Daddy's Girl". I'm glad she wants to do this, and I'm so proud of her, but it absolutely breaks my heart. I'll be on stage to spot her as she does her round off back handspring, and I know I won't be able to hold back the tears. Mason is even thinking about getting involved and doing a few forward rolls during her routine. 
     I had to go out in the garage yesterday to get Tyler's balance beam, she's going to use it during the talent show. I don't go out in the garage much. I haven't gone through everything in there and so I never know when I'll run into things of Mike's that I wasn't expecting. The house holds so many of Mike's treasures and memories, but I have organized it from top to bottom and I know where all of those things are. There are no surprises. There are surprises in the garage and I'm not ready to deal with some of them. One of them is his day planner from 1996. I saw it as soon as I opened the garage and the tears came. I brought that and a drawing pad he had in the house. When I'm a little more composed I'll post some things from them. I didn't expect some things to be so hard. Mike passed before Easter last year. This Easter is not a first for us, but as I walk through the stores and I see Mike's favorite candy from this time of year I can't help but to choke back tears. I was stupid to think that after the firsts it would be a little easier. 
     Nothing seems to be working out the way I want them to. We have yet to buy the last two lots I need in order to build the house. The lawyer is working on it, but it's been a much slower process than I anticipated. We probably, rather I know we won't, get to move as fast as we wanted. At this rate I'm not sure we will be out of this house before summer is over. I just want things to go my way is that too much to ask? If this last year is any indication then yes, it is way too much to ask.
    Okay, I'll end on a happy note. My nephew Ender turned two today, and I can not wait to celebrate his birthday on Saturday. He is so freaking adorable, and I hate that I don't see him more. I am also in complete and total denial about them moving at some point in the future. I guess I'll be flying to Washington state as much as I can. I hate that now they are partially across the state much less across the country. For now I'm going to celebrate little Ender and the joy he brings to those around him. Of course I love Scott and Marie as well!

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