Thursday, March 29, 2012

I Wasn't Jumping, For Me It Was A Fall. It's A Long Way Down To Nothing At All

     The title of this post was taken from the song Stuck In A Moment by U2
* This post was written weeks ago. I just didn't want to share until now.

     The clouds thicken overhead and the skies turn grey. There's a storm coming, I can feel it in the air. I open the front door and watch from the couch. The kids play quietly in their rooms. I hear one splatter of rain and then the heavens open up. I hear thunder in the distance, and see the bright glow from the lightening. This is my favorite kind of afternoon, the ones when the storms come. I love the dark ominous feel that the storm brings, as if it's trying to show us who is in control. In those moments I feel at peace, almost like the storm raging outside matches how I feel on the inside. Even though the rain falls, the thunder cracks, the lightening strikes, and the wind howls, I find comfort in those moments. It brings me a sense of peace. Mason comes running and begs for me to shut the door. I hold him tight on my lap, wrapping my arms around his tiny little shoulders. I whisper in his ear "Mason watch. See if you can find the beauty raging in the storm."I'm not sure that he understands my words, but he calms and watches. Moments pass as I treasure the sweet smell of his little head mixed with that of the rain. He finally looks up at me...

Mom, does God make it rain?

I think he has a hand in all things.

Mom, do you think Dad can see the rain?

My love I think your Dad is always watching over us, and yes I'm sure he can see the rain.

Does it rain in Heaven?

I don't know sweetie.

He turns and gives me a kiss then asks to go play. It's cold where I held his warm body, and I pull a blanket over my lap. I watch as the storm slows and the rain tapers off. I wonder if the storm raging in me will ever calm.

1 comment:

Kate said...

Love this :)