The title of this post was taken from the song Buckets of Rain by Bob Dylan.
I have written and erased four posts today. I sit here knowing I want to say something, but for the life of me nothing seems right. I bought the kids the movie We Bought A Zoo, and I thought I would allow some quotes from this movie to express how I'm feeling. The movie quotes are in red.
Benjamin Mee— “Whatever is the laziest word of this century.”
Oh, how I can relate to this. Every answer to every question seems to be whatever lately.
Dylan Mee—“Dad, nobody’s gonna give an “F” to a kid whose mom died 6 months ago.”
Maybe Dylan is right, but I was told the other day that by now I should be getting over Mike's death. Yea, not so much. I've learned that the more time that passes the less understanding people are. They tend to have the same kind of mindset, time moves on and so should we. It's not that easy.
Benjamin Mee—“I thought if I came out here it would stop. Back home, every place reminded me of her…. It got better for a while, but it turns out that she’s here too…. When you love somebody that much, that hard, that long, you can never get away from it.”
That one needs no explanation.
Benjamin Mee—“Sometimes you don’t know what it is till you see what it is.”
Benjamin Mee: Hey Rosie, am I doing anything right?
Rosie Mee: You're handsomer than the other dads. Lots of them don't have hair, so that's good.
Benjamin Mee: Awesome. I'm gonna take baldness off my list of things to worry about.
I don't have the courage to ask my kids if I'm doing anything right. I'm afraid of the answer.
Benjamin: "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage.
Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I
promise you, something great will come of it."
I feel like I'm on the verge of something, but I don't know what it is. Many times my heart races, almost like an adrenaline rush, except there is no reason for it. I just feel like there is something I am supposed to be doing that I'm not, something that I don't have the courage to do, but I don't know what it is. I just want to figure out my life.