Sunday, April 8, 2012

Seasons Are Changing, And Waves Are Crashing, And Stars Are Falling All For Us

     The title of this post was taken from the song Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

      "It is strange to think, I haven't seen you in a year. I have seen the passing of all four seasons, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower; like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to. Hope guides me, that is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope though you are gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you." With minor details to fit more to my liking this was taken from the movie A Knights Tale. It sums up so much of what I'm feeling this week.
     Easter has come and will be over in a few hours. It didn't feel right to me, and I dare say that Easter will never feel right. Last year Easter was after Mike had passed. I don't like celebrating it before the 14th. I've also never played a very good Easter bunny so I dreaded, put off, and made ugly faces the entire time I was shopping for Easter stuff for the kids. I love the family get togethers, but the commercialization of this holiday bothers me. Now it's over, and I can move on with the dread of this last upcoming line of firsts, at least as far as dates and events go. I had originally planned on taking the kids out of town that weekend, but I've changed my mind. I'm taking off work Thursday and Friday as personal days. I'll get the kids off to school and then come home to an empty house. I think I will spend those two days in bed throwing a pity party for myself. Two days to cry it out as much as I want and not worry about anything else. While I've been told I shouldn't do this, and I should try to be more positive, I think this is what I need. I don't need to run away from it or try to pretend it's not happening. I need to meet the 14th head on. I think that Saturday I may go visit the cemetery for a bit. Time will tell. It will be a rough week all around for me. 

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