The title of this post was taken from the song Eyes Open by Taylor Swift.
I can't sleep tonight. There are so many things on my mind. I've thought for a long time about going back to school. Like I need more student loans, but I've never been sure about what I want to do. Over the last six months or so I've felt very strongly about getting certified as a Montessori Teacher. I love this teaching philosophy so much, and my dear friend Deb, who was a Montessori teacher, showed me so many different ways of thinking about education. I'm scared to take the leap and just do it. Is it something I'm impulsively looking at? Am I trying to fill a void in my life? I'm not sure, but what I do know is that I need something more. I need something and I don't even know what it is. I just feel this emptiness inside, and this overwhelming need to do something about it. Deb would have said go for it, and not look back. She and I always told each other things would work out, even when they looked at their worst we couldn't help but to look at each other and smile, and one of us would say "It'll be alright." Ever the fighter and always the optimist she never let anything break her spirit. She wouldn't be very proud of me right now. I will never forget one day she came over after Mike passed and walked through the front door, she paused a minute and said "Wow, your house is neater than normal. Now get up and lets go out." she pushed me past my limits, and she is probably the only person I would have allowed to do that. I miss her so very much. Many people may not know, but we often talked of opening a recreation/tutoring center for the young people in our city. She so badly wanted to give back to the community. We did a lot of research, and while nothing ever came from it, I know it wasn't something she ever forgot about. I miss Mike and I miss Deb.