The title of this post was taken from the song Who Am I Living For by Katy Perry.
Blessed. I
often don’t think of my life that way. My days are often a blur.
5:00 am –
Wake up and get ready for school.
6:30 am –
Begin getting all three kiddos up. I end up yelling before it’s all said and
done.
6:30 – 7:30
– Get kids fed, dressed, hair brushed, backpacks together, and I run out the
door with Mason and Tyler. Sebastian catches the bus at the end of our street.
I need to thank him for being responsible and never missing the bus this year.
What a relief it has been not to have to worry about that.
7:45 – We
unload from the van and head through the school doors.
8:00 – 3:30
– I work and the kids learn. I take that back my students teach me new things
each and every day. I learn as well. I have learned over the last few weeks not
to walk down the halls without my fingers crossed, because if I do I will have
20 kids try to give me the cheese touch J. I have one class that calls me
Awesome Mrs. Dawson. They will never know how much that means to me. I can’t
imagine doing anything differently with my life.
3:30 – Leave
school. I usually have some kind of errand to run, but I always try to be home
by 4:00 so that I can meet Sebastian when he comes through the door.
4:30 – We
start on homework. I read with Mason and help Tyler as needed. By this point in
the day we are all a little cranky, and there are often complaints and “I don’t
want to!” We manage to make it through and backpacks get put away.
5:30 – The
rumblings of “I’m Hungry!” begin to echo through the house, and usually I make
several realizations at once, 1) I really need to go grocery shopping. 2) I
have no idea what to fix even if there were stuff in my house. 3) The leftovers
from dinner my mom made us two nights ago are all gone. 4) I hate cooking. 5)
Can I just feed the kids PB&J. No, that was yesterday. You get the idea. So
we often end up ordering out. Yuck!
7:00 –
Everyone has eaten dinner, watched a little T.V. and played the Wii. We each
pick up a few things so the house isn’t such a mess. When I say “10 things” the
kids know this means they must go through the house and each one has to find 10
things that are out of place and put them away.
8:00 – Mason
and Tyler get baths or showers.
9:00 – PJ’s
are on, and teeth are being brushed.
9:30 – Mason
runs out of his bedroom screaming “I’m Hungry!” We will have a power struggle
over this for about 10 minutes which leaves him mad and screaming “I don’t love
you!” and me saying “Okay, just please go to bed.”
10:30 –
Normally everyone is asleep by this time, and I am beyond ready for bed.
Now, this
reflects a day when we having nothing going on. When I factor in sports or
other events the evenings get a little crazier.
….okay and
what was my point? Oh! I tend to get caught up in the day to day that is this
schedule. I need to remember how blessed I am. I have three truly amazing
children, and even though they sometimes tell me they hate me or they roll
their eyes at the things I say and do, I know that they love me and they
certainly know how much I love them.
I still
grieve for Mike. It’s a daily thing, and I suppose it always will be. We talk
about Mike like he is still alive. “Oh, Daddy would have loved that!” or “Dad
would be so proud of you!”, “You do that just like your Dad.” and on and on and
on. I am so incredibly grateful for this. I am glad that we are so open with
each other that we can say things like this and it’s okay. Sometimes it rips
open a piece of me, and I find myself tearing up. The kids know that, just as
it’s okay to smile about his memory, it’s okay to cry too.
My children
are amazing. Sebastian has so many of his dad’s mannerisms, and he looks just
like Mike. He is sensitive and strong. He recognizes the gaps that have been
left in our lives and he tries so hard to fill them. He is cautious about what
material things he asks for, because he knows I have to watch our money. He
will often wash dishes without being asked, because he knows I’ve had a long
day and work and he understands that I don’t get a break. He will be 13 in
October so we have some teenage moments when attitude comes out, but I really
lucked out with him. Tyler is my strong willed child. She is creative in every
aspect of her life, and I can’t help but smile when she sits to draw. She is
like her dad. It’s often her way or no way, and I’m trying to use this to my
advantage. I understand all too well that what works for one child will not
work for another. She tests my boundaries, and it takes unconventional methods
with her sometimes. She has an incredibly sweet spirit about her. She would do
anything for anyone, and her caring nature for those who do not have as much as
she does, is simply amazing to watch. Mason is a firecracker. He wants to make
people laugh and is so outgoing. I’m not sure where he gets that from, because
neither Mike nor I are like that. He has the energy of twenty kids combined. He
goes nonstop from the time he gets up until he crashes at night. There is no
slowing him down. His nickname is Moose, short for Moose Goose. He will often
snuggle up with me, and he talks freely about his dad. He will tell whoever
will listen all about Mike passing away, heart disease, and how his dad is in
Heaven watching over him. I admire and appreciate his ability to talk about
things freely. What a smart little boy.
Through the
tragedy of the last year we have grown. Our little family has pulled together
and worked hard to uplift each other.
“Mom, why are you crying?” asks
little Mason
“My love, I am overcome with love and
gratitude. I may not have your dad here anymore, but Heavenly Father gave me three
little angels to hold in his place.”
“Mom?”
“Yes dear?’
“I love you to infinity and beyond.”
“Ditto.”
2 comments:
"I love you to infinity and beyond..."
You are lucky to have three kiddos like that.
Zee, I am truly blessed that is for sure. Even with all the tragedy we have endured my 3 angels are what have gotten me through.
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