Monday, May 28, 2012

I Wanna Hold You High And Steal Your Pain Away

The title of this post was taken from the song Broken By Seether and Amy Lee .

"Little man I know. Where is daddy?"
"Sweetie, we've talked about this before. Daddy can't be here to give you a hug, but he is always in your heart, and he's always watching over you."

Mason had a pretty major meltdown last night. We were packing and looking at some old pictures, and he just started screaming for his dad. I rocked him as he slowly wore himself out. He finally went to sleep. I don't know if packing and the idea of moving has suddenly gotten to him, or if he just needed to get that out. He seemed better today, but I thought maybe it would be a good idea to take him to the cemetery so that we could talk some more. Here is our conversation as we sat by Mike's grave.
"Little man where is daddy?"
"I know his body is here, but his spirit is in heaven sometimes and it's here with us."
"What would you tell daddy if he were here right this minute?"
"I would tell him that I love and miss him, and that it wasn't fair for him to leave."
"Sweetie, do you understand that daddy didn't make a choice to leave us. It was just his time to go, and now he's with Heavenly Father."
"I know. I just miss him."
"I know. Me too."

The kids sprawled out on their backs and watched the clouds roll by as we talked. I know that they are all going to have their moments, I still do, I'm just glad that they know it's okay to still cry and be angry. It's okay to wonder why, and to let it all out. 

This is the view of the mountains from where Mike is buried.

Mason finally looks calm. Okay, I get this picture may seem a little creepy, but he was happy just being there and "talking" to his dad. I reminded him that just because that's where daddy's body is doesn't mean he has to be there to talk to him. He understands this, but something about being there today made things easier for him.


Ryan said...

Not weird at all...precious. And heart-wrenching.

Darrell said...

I agree with Ryan, not weird at all. I can't imagine what this must be like for Mason. I am certain, though, that he has the right mom for this.

Melanie said...

It's rather emotional to watch. He is such a sweet boy, and knowing that most of his memories with his dad will be the ones we help him's hard. We take it one day at a time, and sometimes moment by moment.

Anonymous said...

My precious little Moose Goose. His tears are my tears.