Monday, December 17, 2012

And I Can't Remember How It All Began To Break

The title of this post was taken from the song Fade Away by Breaking Benjamin.

Last night I picked up a folded piece of paper from the coffee table and read.

"Chorus - Remaining Concerts"

It's from Sebastian's chorus teacher at school. I scan the list of dates, most of these concerts have come and gone. At the bottom something catches my eye.

"Friday, Dec. 14 - Party - bring food or 2 liter"

"Sebastian did you have a party in chorus on Friday and were you supposed to send in something?"

"No, the party was moved to Monday."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yea"

"So, do you need to bring something for it?"

"Don't worry about it mom. I'm sure the teacher won't mind."

"Hun, what are you supposed to bring?"

"She just asked us to bring in something to help out. It's okay don't worry about it."

My face falls a little as I realize that this has been an ongoing theme between us since his dad died. I forget something that's going on, something he needs for school, or something else important and he always tries to cover for me. How many times in the last 19 months have I let the ball drop on something, only to hear him say "It's okay mom don't worry about it." How many things have I forgotten and left for him to worry over. How many times has he let go of something that may have been important to him simply because his mom didn't have it together. I wasn't perfect before, but I still can't seem to keep things together. My 13 year old young man has had to grow up so much over the last almost two years, and it makes me sad. When will I get it together?

     

1 comment:

beth said...

Mel, I know you are damned good at being a Mom, far better than I, but last time I checked you were not wearing a halo. Yes you forgot. You also have four other people that tell you things. Sebastian could remind you, that would help. I'm not saying Sebastian is wrong in any way but life is busy and if he is cutting you slack, you need to cut yourself some too.