Tuesday, February 12, 2013

It's A Little Different Now

    The title of this post was taken from the song You're Going Down by Sick Puppies.

Describe your relationship with your spouse. 
That's the topic for today. 
Kind of ironic because I've been waiting for a good time to post this. 

     I was asked the other day how married life was treating me and it made me really stop and think. First, let me say that I love John very very much. This relationship has taken a lot of adjustment from both of us and it hasn't been easy. First we were 33 when we married and we both had been on our own for quite some time. We both have set ways we do things and those ways don't always match. We are both learning to let things go and understand that some things just are not that important. For example, we fold the towels differently. I prefer my way of folding them and he prefers his. From the beginning I realized it would be stupid to argue about how towels are folded but dang it my way looks neater ;). The thing is; John does all of the laundry. That's right ladies eat your hearts out and, if John is going to be amazing enough to do all the laundry, then he can fold the towels any way he wants to. On the occasion when I help with laundry then I fold the towels how I like them. Who needs to fight over stuff like that when there are more important things to fight over. 
     One area that is particularly difficult is how to handle discipline with the kids. For the most part Sebastian and Tyler are pretty well behaved and we don't have too many issues with them. Mason on the other hand is a different story. When Mike passed away, Mason was 4 and we all had such a hard time dealing with things that he got away with so much more than he normally would have. If you want cookies for dinner because mom can't get herself together enough to function, then, by all means, have cookies. I often gave him what he wanted because it was simply all I could do. Now that we are getting things together and are back in a routine I'm finding that he thinks he can whine and get whatever he wants. I'm having to take back control and work on my discipline with him. This puts John in an awkward position coming into this mix. We are figuring things out and things are running a lot smoother around here.
     The last thing that makes things difficult is the fact we were both married before and we both bring a lot of our own baggage to this relationship. Sometimes I find myself saying, "I'm not your ex." I feel the need to remind him that I'm me, I'm here now and I want things to work. Sometimes I get upset about things and John will say, "I'm not Mike." Mike and I didn't have a perfect marriage and there were times we were mean and spiteful to each other but we loved each other very much.  It's then that we both have to back off and really think about what we are doing, saying, or feeling and remember that this is new for the both of us. It's hard to separate who you have always been from who you are trying to be. It's crazy hard for both of us but we love each other fiercely and it's worth it.

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