Saturday, April 13, 2013

You Left Me Incomplete. All Alone, As The Memories Now Unfold.

     The title of this post was taken from the song Cemetary Gates by Pantera.

     What am I thinking as we come upon the second anniversary of Mike's passing? I had a long post all typed up and ready to publish, but I deleted it. Why? Because I'm tired of rehashing the memories of that day. I'm tired of allowing myself to go there and go through minute by minute the moment I found him or the moments leading to that. I'm still angry. I'm still sad. I'm still not who I was then and I'm not sure of who I am now. I am a work in progress. I am ever evolving. I am finding my way in a life I never imagined for myself. 
     Two years later. Here we are. In all honesty I don't think the kids even realize that tomorrow marks the two year anniversary. We don't focus on what happened on April 14, 2011. We focus on the many happy memories they had with their Dad. Mike's life was so much more than one day. His life and memory is a culmination of everything up until that point. 

This is what we focus on. 
These are the memories we talk about on a daily basis. 
This is how we remember Mike. 

Screw you April 14th! 


Beverly S. said...

We love you ! This post was well-written & possibly the best way to think of things. Cherish this beautiful weekend !

Unknown said...

It's only been 2 yrs. That is still so soon....don't be too hard on yourself-it's been 32 years and the hole is still in my heart. I knew there was no one on the planet that could ever take Billy's place....I was hoping that at least there would come a time when I could at least have found mortal joy with someone else, but that wasn't to be either. And so now, to repair the damage I've done, under the most righteous of counsel. And I know there will come a day that all things will be made right and we will be together for much longer than the time we were cheated out of. I am just to be patient....and wait. Don't beat yourself up for just 2 years. It's still new, and a broken heart takes time to heal.(does it ever?) I agree-it's good to focus on the good times you had together, the fun things the kids did with their dad, the special things that made you a family. The hurts becomes more bearable the more time passes...doesn't ever leave you, but you will smile instead of cry, remembering him;)

Teri said...

These are great pictures. I agree, you do not need to rehash the bad memories. These photos show happy times and that is what you want to remember.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting these pics. That one of him with all three kids (the fifth pic down from the top) is my favorite picture of Mike.

Anonymous said...

Don't waste time searching for the old you. The new you is reborn and will have some traits of the old you, but to cling to the past is to avoid new life. Death is a tragedy that kills more than those who died.

In time you can reconcile the old and new, but the new is now.

beth said...

It seems so long ago, yet not. You have done an amazing job with the kids. You are right not to focus on the one day, but all the days prior to, good or bad. There are things we all have to reconcile in life. You are not the same person you were that day, but you are stronger and more than you were then. It is normal to go back to that day, it was a nightmare and there is strength in remembering as well. So pause, remmember and thank God for the strength and blessings you have received since that day. I know you and the kids are making Mike proud.