Sunday, May 12, 2013

And The Air Outside So Soft, Confessing Everything

    The title of this post was taken from the song All I Want by Toad The Wet Sprocket.

       It's Mother's Day again. It's been a pretty normal Sunday around here. I got up with the kids and we all went to church. The kids made Mother's Day cards and Tyler and Mason painted me necklaces. I came home and took a long nap and I'm enjoying the peace and quiet for a bit. I saw my mom this morning and gave her cards from us and the kids. I love my mom so very much. I have a little secret that I've been keeping to myself and I think maybe today would be a good time to share. 

I'm pregnant. 

I'm 17 weeks and due on October 20.

I'm going to go ahead and answer a few of the questions I've already had to answer. I have found that those who know have had varying degrees of reactions. Someone even said "You know this makes your fourth child right?" What I wanted to say was "Really?! Where did I leave the other three?!" So, here are my answers.

 Yes, I'm excited.

Yes, I understand this makes my fourth child and yes, we did plan it. 

Yes, I did take into consideration how this will make the other children feel.

Yes, the kids are happy. 

Yes, I plan on continuing my college classes and working full time after the baby comes.

     Okay, so being pregnant is totally my excuse for not blogging lately. Seriously most days it's all I can do to stay awake until 8:30. I'm exhausted. It's not just being pregnant it's all the added stress I manage to give myself. I also felt a little guilty keeping this little secret off my blog but, just like when I got married, I knew there would be mixed reactions and I wasn't ready to defend my choice to have another child. 

*** I keep reading and rereading this and it seems so cynical to me. I've been trying to find a way to make it not sound so cynical or...I don't know maybe I just feel cynical inside now because so many people have passed judgement on me without knowing what I've been through in any just doesn't seem right. I'm ecstatic about this child and I can't wait to meet him/her. This is part of the new chapter I'm writing in my life. I guess I feel the need to always be proactive in defending my decisions and I'm tired. So, if you feel the need to judge where I am in my life then please just walk away. I'm an intelligent and loving wife and mother. I can make my own decisions and be happy with them. I'm hard enough on myself when I don't measure up to my expectations; I don't need more judgement from others.


ethompson said...

I heard a rumor a while ago that this was the case. I am thrilled for you, John, and the kids. I know you will make a wonderful family together. Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

Wow. WOW!! Congratulations!!!11!

Melanie said...

Thanks guys. We are both really excited and the kids are as well :)