Saturday, May 25, 2013

When The Days Are Cold And The Cards All Fold

     The title of this post was taken from the song Demons by Imagine Dragons.

     "Choose the best answer possible." This statement is usually found somewhere in the directions for any standardized or multiple choice test. I loathe multiple choice tests and I always have. In elementary school I remember taking standardized tests, you know the old fashioned ones with the scantron sheets. They look something like this.

I was the child that would make pretty designs with her dots on the scantron sheet, or I'd see if I could make a picture. I couldn't have cared less about the test. I just wanted my sheet to look cool. Most multiple choice tests now have two answers that are technically correct, but one answer is better than the other. As an adult and college student I always over think things. I go back and forth analyzing every word in the question and possible answers and then I do what the test asks, I try to pick the best answer. Once I get my test back I always go over what I missed and I go through why I missed it.
     As an adult I analyze my life as if it were a multiple choice question. I plan and do something, that in the moment seems correct, and then when I go back and look over a situation I usually see what I could have done differently to get a better outcome. I almost always find a different and better way I could have done something and then I get really down on myself. I get upset that I didn't do things the best way possible the first time. Growing up my dad often told me that practice didn't make perfect, instead perfect practice makes perfect. Meaning do things right the first time. Thing is I'm not perfect and hind sight is 20/20 so I get angry that I can't always do things right the first time. Ultimately I feel like I fail in most areas of my life, rationally I know this isn't true but my self talk says it is. I know that there is always room for improvement and while that's a nice way of saying I'll always try harder to be my best, I never achieve what I feel is good enough.
     I don't know where I'm going with this. I just know that today, in this moment, I'm analyzing things and I see areas I need to improve upon. 

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