Monday, June 10, 2013

The Screams All Sound The Same

   The title of this post was taken from the song Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men.

   There are moments when I can feel the flood of emotions coming. I try hard to squash it all and simply soldier on, but eventually it all catches up to me and I can't hold it in any longer. A tear or two escape as I find a quiet place to hide. This is my pain, my hurt, and my battle. I don't care to share it. I don't want anyone else to see. These are my private moments. I know I shouldn't allow myself to dwell. I have reasons to be happy and for the most part I am, but I will always have moments that I just can't run from.
   I found a blog post written by a widower and thought I would share his words. You can find the original post here. 

difficult company

I’ve tried, so far unsuccessfully, to find out who wrote this poem. Whoever did has done a brilliant job of capturing the ‘please always be there for me except for all the times I don’t want you to be’ need state of a grieving person. I trust the author won’t mind me reproducing it here but I’d love to add a credit if anyone knows who was behind it.
From my personal standpoint, this is for all the people I hope will check in on me but whose calls I ignore when they do. Believe me when I say that I love you all but grief’s a bitch like that.
Hold me close and go away
Please visit me and please don’t stay
Talk to me but please don’t speak
I need you NOW – come back next week.
Emotions muddled, needs unknown
To be with others or on my own?
To scream out loud? To rant and shout?
Or hide away and push you out?
I smile at you – “She’s not that bad”
I shout at you – “She’s going mad”
I speak to you – “What do I say?”
I show my tears – “Quick, walk away”
It’s not catching, the grief I feel
I can’t pretend that it’s not real
I carry on as best I know
But this pain inside just won’t go.
So true friends, please, accept the lot
I shout, I cry, I lose the plot
I don’t know what I need today
So hold me close and go away.


 

2 comments:

Teri said...

Hmmm, exactly. I'm more the loner, don't really want to share my feelings or tears with others. But I don't want to be alone, either. Fun emotions :)

Melanie Dawson Mullineaux said...

I feel the same way!