Sunday, October 6, 2013

You Don't Wear My Chains

The title of this post was taken from the song Boston by Augustana. 

 I had a really rough day this past week and I must have let it show. 


"Hey are you okay?"

I duck my head and blink back the tears.

"Yea."

"Are you sure? I don't think I've ever seen you without a smile on your face."

I was rather shocked by this but reiterated that I was okay. I tucked this conversation away and later came back to revisit it. If you were to ask John I think he would tell you that most of the time I don't look happy. I guess at home I tend to let the smile drop and just be me for a bit. I'm not ever going to be who I was. There won't ever be a day where the ripple effect of losing Mike will not touch my life in someway. It's often irrational and I often don't understand it. All I know is that in my head my irrational thoughts make sense to me. I will always be broken and my mental perception will always be skewed. Most people don't understand it and I'm finding that those who once tried are slowly losing patience with my lack of progression. So, I end with these two quotes.