Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I've Lived A Dozen Lifetimes In Twenty Some Odd Years

     The title of this post was taken from the song Pain of a Troubled Life by Alison Krauss.

     Sometimes I obsess over things. The other night it happened to be Mike's external hard drive. I haven't thought much about it and I had no desire to do anything with it until Saturday night. We were all cleaning house so that we could watch TV together before bed and I was on the hunt for the stupid cords to his hard drive. I couldn't find them anywhere. John patiently helped me go through a box of old cords I had but none of them fit. Then as the kids are waiting for me to stop obsessing, so we could move on with our night, John helped me order new cords. Three years and three months and I haven't cared what might be stored on it but Saturday it became an obsession.
     The cords came today. I plugged it in and attached the USB cable and pulled up the files. I remember that Mike had said he was going to put movies on it and thats what I expected to find but I was wrong. There was a ton of music, some audiobooks, and pictures. As I started going through things I found some pictures from a time in our marriage that wasn't the best. I became very emotional and very angry all at the same time. I directed my anger at Mike because hey he's the one who put the files on the stupid hard drive to begin with. I tried to delete them but it wouldn't work. I used my limited technology skills and downloaded the correct programs but I still couldn't delete them. In a fury of tears I texted John.

"I got the cords for Mike's external hard drive and it's mostly music and audiobooks on here. There are some pictures, one in particular, that I need deleted but the driver isn't formatted for my Mac and it won't let me...It's making me crazy emotional because I remember...I just want it gone. Can you look at it some time tonight."

John: "Sure"

Me: "I'm going to take the kids to the store for a bit. I need to get out of this house. Screw this."

John: "I'm sorry honey. If I knew that was a possibility, I would have looked at it first."

Me: "I just didn't even think about it. We can talk about it later. I'm sorry."

    We talked a bit more and now I'm patiently waiting for him to get home from work. It is very easy for me to look back at my marriage with Mike through rose colored glasses, but sometimes something triggers the memories of all the not so great moments we had. I've posted about our struggles before and how we were in counseling, but I often try not to think of those things and just focus on the positive things...but that's not reality. That is not what our marriage always was. Today reminded me of that. Maybe I'm angry that things weren't as perfect as I like to remember. Maybe I'm angry because after three years I would like to not be smacked in the face with surprise memories. Maybe...I'm just angry.

Friday, July 18, 2014

You Live You Learn

The title of this post was taken from the song You Learn by Alanis Morissette.

Photo Friday

About two weeks ago we took the kids to my Uncle Eddie's to pick blueberries. The kids love going to see him. He takes them riding on his 4-wheeler and sometimes they go fishing. I love Eddie so very much! 

Tyler and Jaxon at the pool :) He loves to splash in the water!

John has been working a lot of crazy hours and we haven't had a lot of family time lately. Last Saturday we took the kids to Douthat for a picnic. Tyler had been begging to have one. We had so much fun!

On Tuesday Tyler left for girls camp. She left her suitcase in the living room and Jaxon climbed in. We can't wait to see her tomorrow. This momma has had some major anxiety about her being away for so long. 

My birthday was Monday. We didn't go out or have a party but I don't need those things. My birthday was awesome for a lot of reasons. Sebastian and his friends sang Happy Birthday to me, what 14 year old boy would do that for their mom. I love that kid so freaking much. My sister stopped by and brought me some goodies. I loved seeing her and Mikayla made me a card...seriously that child should work for Hallmark :) My mom stopped by for a bit and my brothers and dad all called. Instead of a birthday cake John bought me two pineapples. The kids helped me eat them and they were gone by the next day! I love my family and I am crazy blessed. Happy halfway to 70 birthday to me!

Saturday, July 12, 2014

And I'm Proud To Be An American Where At Least I Know I'm Free

The title of this post was taken from the song God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood.

So, it's been an eventful two weeks so I'm behind on posting pictures. 

These pictures are from our two day 4th of July Party :) This is one of my favorite holidays. Growing up we had such an amazing time going to Alderson WV and visiting family for the 4th. Now we are creating amazing memories with our kids. So special.

Tyler helping out and carrying Jaxon :) such a big help.

The kids swimming

Emma and Jaxon playing.

Jaxon in the bounce house..

With this much food how could you not celebrate for two days! Yummy!!!

The best Sno Cone Ever!!


More sparklers!

My handsome Daddy!

My beautiful Mom!

Watching fireworks.

John and a very tired Jaxon.

I would have to say the best fireworks were the ones we let off in Low Moor :) Amazing and super fun!

Mandaly bought Chinese Lanterns for the kids to light and let off. They were so beautiful and I can't wait to do this again!!