Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Living In Christmas Day Heaven

     The title of this post was taken from the song Somewhere In My Memory.

     I had planned on making a Christmas post that would detail all of our adventures last week, but the stomach bug hit the house and then Jaxon came down with a sinus infection and things just haven't gone as planned.  
    On Christmas Eve my family came over to spend time together. We had so much fun. Michael brought his guitar, Tyler had her flute, and we sang Christmas songs together as we Skyped with Mom and Dad. I don't have any pictures or videos to share! It was a wonderful night. Uncle Dale came over and we ended the night by putting reindeer food out and sending the kids to bed. 
     Christmas morning started later than the kids would have liked but Sebastian had been up sick most of the night and we had been up late/early wrapping all the gifts for the kids. They had a good Christmas though and were so appreciative of all the things they received. I asked them later what their favorite gifts were; Sebastian - Studio Beats, Tyler - Kindle Fire, Mason - new TV for his room, Jaxon - everything ;). Here are a few pictures.


Jaxon - Ready to open his gifts.


Mason - So beyond ready!


Tyler - Waiting patiently to open her first gift.


Sebastian - This is what his sister got him :)


The crew :) John's niece Laura is visiting. Tyler is behind her.


Two very tired people. Jaxon hasn't slept well which means mommy hasn't slept well.

     The day after Christmas Mike's family came over and we exchanged gifts. It was so good to see them. Once again I didn't get any pictures! I'll do better next year. We had fun catching up and enjoying each others company. That was our Christmas in a nutshell.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

For Hate Is Strong And Mocks The Song Of Peace On Earth, Good Will To Men.

     The title of this post was taken from the song I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day by 
Henry Longfellow.

     I have had a post all mapped out in my head. I've just been looking for a chance to sit down and write it. I was going to write about the funky mood I've been in; about the remarkable lack of holiday spirit I've been experiencing. Things have been so crazy. While our tree is up and, usually, quiet moments enjoying the lights make me feel at peace, it just hasn't happened yet this year. Sure...there have been certain moments; moments when I get a glimpse of what Christmas is supposed to be but then they are over, leaving me feeling empty. Even the usual things that fill me with the spirit of Christmas like gathering donations for the Christmas Mother haven't touched me the way they usually do. I kept thinking, "When school gets out on Friday, I can focus on the important things. Then things will feel the way they are supposed to." But it didn't happen that way. I actually came home from school in tears on Friday. School keeps me busy and now I was faced with several weeks at home when I didn't feel anything except overwhelmed. All of this changed this morning.
     Sebastian sings in the choir at church. Today was the Christmas program. As the choir sang their first song, I couldn't take my eyes off Sebastian. I can't even describe it. This feeling of peace came over me. I let the music take me where I had not allowed myself to go. I teared up as I listened. I was completely overwhelmed with love for him and the young man he is turning into. In that moment, I also knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that his father was there watching over us. I just knew. All of the music this morning was beautiful. I'm beyond grateful for those that took the time to share their talent. Mason sang Silent Night with the primary. Though the little children were few in numbers, their humble, innocent voices reminded me once again just what this holiday season is all about. 
     Just a bit ago, Tyler had a flute concert at our church. She has been taking flute lessons from anther young woman who attends the same church we do. This concert was part of her journey in developing individual worth. Tyler has an amazing teacher who has helped her grow and learn so much. I teared up once again as I watched my amazing daughter play her flute with such confidence; such poise. There are not enough words to accurately describe my love for her. After the concert, I watched as John picked Tyler up in a big bear hug, let her know how proud he was of her, then kissed her gently, and put her back down. Today, John watched from the pews while Mike watched from heaven.
     This is what I've been waiting for. This is what I needed to get me into the Christmas Spirit. These small moments are worth so much more than the gifts that will be under our tree on Christmas morning.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

It's All That Matters For Now

The title of this post was taken from the song People by Awolnation.

     A few days ago we had one of those days in our house. The kind where everyone had six places to be, everyone needed something, and I was trying to get dinner ready. For about the fourteenth time Jaxon pulled off the shelf my Tori Amos box-set and was dragging it around the house. I took it from him and said:

"Jaxon (in my whiniest voice possible), please stop messing with that. Da...."

and then I stopped.

John noticed the pause in my sentence.

"What?"

"Well...I was going to tell him to leave it alone because Dad had given it to me, but it's not his Dad it would just be Mike to him."

"...Okay."

"It's just that I'm so used to just referring to Mike as Dad when talking to the kids, and I've never specifically said anything about him to Jaxon so it was weird to think about calling him Mike. He'll never know who Mike is and it just seems weird.

"Hun, Jaxon will know who Mike is because he is a part of our family. He's not a secret. We will tell him about Mike."

"It was just a weird moment."

"I know."

On a day to day basis I don't look at the kids and divide them as Dawson and Mullineaux. They are all my kids. John doesn't do this either, but sometimes I forget that Jaxon and Blake will have different family/life experiences than Sebastian, Tyler and Mason. It goes both ways. Jaxon and Blake will grow up hearing their siblings call their Dad by his first name, and I'm sure I'll wonder then if that is weird for them. What an odd family we are.