Sunday, December 21, 2014

For Hate Is Strong And Mocks The Song Of Peace On Earth, Good Will To Men.

     The title of this post was taken from the song I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day by 
Henry Longfellow.

     I have had a post all mapped out in my head. I've just been looking for a chance to sit down and write it. I was going to write about the funky mood I've been in; about the remarkable lack of holiday spirit I've been experiencing. Things have been so crazy. While our tree is up and, usually, quiet moments enjoying the lights make me feel at peace, it just hasn't happened yet this year. Sure...there have been certain moments; moments when I get a glimpse of what Christmas is supposed to be but then they are over, leaving me feeling empty. Even the usual things that fill me with the spirit of Christmas like gathering donations for the Christmas Mother haven't touched me the way they usually do. I kept thinking, "When school gets out on Friday, I can focus on the important things. Then things will feel the way they are supposed to." But it didn't happen that way. I actually came home from school in tears on Friday. School keeps me busy and now I was faced with several weeks at home when I didn't feel anything except overwhelmed. All of this changed this morning.
     Sebastian sings in the choir at church. Today was the Christmas program. As the choir sang their first song, I couldn't take my eyes off Sebastian. I can't even describe it. This feeling of peace came over me. I let the music take me where I had not allowed myself to go. I teared up as I listened. I was completely overwhelmed with love for him and the young man he is turning into. In that moment, I also knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that his father was there watching over us. I just knew. All of the music this morning was beautiful. I'm beyond grateful for those that took the time to share their talent. Mason sang Silent Night with the primary. Though the little children were few in numbers, their humble, innocent voices reminded me once again just what this holiday season is all about. 
     Just a bit ago, Tyler had a flute concert at our church. She has been taking flute lessons from anther young woman who attends the same church we do. This concert was part of her journey in developing individual worth. Tyler has an amazing teacher who has helped her grow and learn so much. I teared up once again as I watched my amazing daughter play her flute with such confidence; such poise. There are not enough words to accurately describe my love for her. After the concert, I watched as John picked Tyler up in a big bear hug, let her know how proud he was of her, then kissed her gently, and put her back down. Today, John watched from the pews while Mike watched from heaven.
     This is what I've been waiting for. This is what I needed to get me into the Christmas Spirit. These small moments are worth so much more than the gifts that will be under our tree on Christmas morning.

1 comment:

Karma Tucker said...

I felt much the same way in not feeling it this year. But today that changed. Your children are so beautiful and talented. I am so fortunate I have the opportunity to work with them. I could just see Mike there and watching his children grow up so beautifully and seeing their talents mature and expand. I am surehe is so grateful to have John take stewardship raising and loving his children for him.you have a beautiful family and you are obviously doing many things very right.have a wonderful Christmas and I love you.