Thursday, April 14, 2016

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

     The title of this post was taken from the song The Sound Of Silence by Disturbed.

      My dearest Mike,
          Today brought about uncontrollable crying and panic attacks this afternoon. Here we are again. One more year has come and gone. It's been five years since I've heard your voice, felt your touch, or watched your bright blue eyes light up when you smiled. I miss you everyday, but today was different. I don't even know what to say. I felt so lost today. I don't think this ever gets any easier. I've just learned to make a life for myself while constantly trying to keep my black hole of grief from swallowing me alive. I still go through random emotions. Sometimes I get crazy angry at you for leaving us, other times I'm sad and still in shock. Sometimes I think I've come as close to acceptance as I'll ever be and then the cycle repeats itself. I wish I could see you one last time. I want to hear your voice and know that you are proud of how I'm raising our children. I so desperately look for your approval in all I do. Watch over us and know that we miss you dearly.


My new favorite song.