Thursday, April 14, 2016

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

     The title of this post was taken from the song The Sound Of Silence by Disturbed.

      My dearest Mike,
          Today brought about uncontrollable crying and panic attacks this afternoon. Here we are again. One more year has come and gone. It's been five years since I've heard your voice, felt your touch, or watched your bright blue eyes light up when you smiled. I miss you everyday, but today was different. I don't even know what to say. I felt so lost today. I don't think this ever gets any easier. I've just learned to make a life for myself while constantly trying to keep my black hole of grief from swallowing me alive. I still go through random emotions. Sometimes I get crazy angry at you for leaving us, other times I'm sad and still in shock. Sometimes I think I've come as close to acceptance as I'll ever be and then the cycle repeats itself. I wish I could see you one last time. I want to hear your voice and know that you are proud of how I'm raising our children. I so desperately look for your approval in all I do. Watch over us and know that we miss you dearly.


My new favorite song.



Unknown said...

Melanie, your story is strangely familiar. It really never stops hurting. It tricks you and hides. I'm so sorry this was a difficult day for you. I don't know why some anniversaries are easier than others? Maybe God in his infinite mercy blesses us with happiness that day. It's be 34 yrs. this year for Billy. I miss him EVERY day. I still talk to him weekly in my heart. I know you see him in your children. That's God's gift to you <3 He will always live as long as they do. God bless you sweet girl. Hope peaceful and happy days lie ahead ;) xoxo Debbie

Unknown said...

P.S. I forgot to mention how I LOVE this version of Sounds of Silence~~~ HAUNTING....