Friday, July 29, 2016

I Hope My Children Come And Visit Once Or Twice A Month

    The title of this post was taken from the song 7 Years by Lukas Graham.

      I have a fear that my kids will grow up, move away, and I won't see them more than once or twice a year. I have two brothers and a sister and none of us have ever lived more than an hour away, from our hometown, for longer than six months. Don't get me wrong I want my kids to experience new things and go where they can get jobs they love, because there aren't a lot of opportunities around here. I just don't know how I would handle it. 
     Sebastian, Tyler and Mason saved me from myself after Mike passed away. For almost the first year after he died I hated going anywhere in my car without at least one of them with me. There were so many times that I thought how easy it would be to run my car off the road and into a tree. I often felt so overwhelmed with grief and sometimes I just wanted it to end. I knew I would never ever hurt one of my kids and so I tried really hard never to go anywhere without them. They were my reasons to keep going, to put one foot in front of the other. I just can't imagine them ever being very from from me.   
     One of my favorite songs right now is 7 Years by Lukas Graham and I love to sing a long. Every single time I hear/sing this song I tear up at the line "I hope my children come and visit once or twice a month." There have been many times that I've had to stop singing because it made me so emotional. My kids are my life. So much of what I do is for them and I can't imagine them not being around. 
     Right now Tyler is away at camp, Sebastian is hanging out in his room, Mason is playing his DS, and Jaxon and Blake are taking a nap. My house is really quiet at the moment. I keep picking up my textbook to try and read but I can't concentrate without the noise. I finally turned on some cartoons and played some music on my phone. I was finally able to study a little. What in the world will I do when all five kids are out of the house and living on their own...I guess by then I'll have grandchildren so maybe it won't be that bad.

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