Wednesday, November 16, 2016

What You Need And Everything You'll Feel Is Just A Question Of The Deal

     The title of this post was taken from the son Gravity of Love by Enigma.

     It's been over three months since I've posted. There have been things I've wanted to share but sometimes I feel like if it's not profound it's not worth writing about. I forget sometimes that even the small moments in my life are insightful and worth recording. 
     For the last month Jaxon will stop at random moments during the day and say "Mom, why do we live here?" or "Mom, why is this our house?" He says the funniest things. This week he has randomly run up to me and said "You are the best mom ever!" How can I not smile when I hear things like that. Today we've had this conversation multiple times

"Mom what makes you happy?"

Honestly this made me stop what I was doing because I often ask myself this same thing.
"My family makes me happy."

"But why does your family make you happy?"

"Because I love my family."

     My answer was the truth. My family does make me happy. I don't always feel like a whole person though. I feel like I'm whatever I need to be at any given moment, but if I strip those things away I don't really know who I am at the core. I've struggled with this for a really long time. It gives me great pause every time he comes running and says "Mom, what makes you happy?" 
     Life has been extremely crazy these last few months. School started, I've been studying for my exam, classes have been harder for the kids, Sebastian just started working, my sister moved and will be moving again this month, and it never ends. I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week and Christmas will be right around the corner. Where has the time gone?